Red, White and Blue and Jiminy Crickett, too!

The carefree summer of 1976 was a magical time, America was turning 200 years old and we were spending the week of July 4th at a rented cabin by the lake. My cousins were renting the cabin in back of us and as luck would have it, the cabin next to us was being rented by a family with a ton of kids. When I say ton, I mean alot, not a bunch of fat kids! Anyways,my usually strict parents must have needed a vaction from us because they let us run wild. They basically paid no attention to us, my mom was busy playing cards with my Aunt and I have no idea what my Dad and Uncle were doing, but truthfully, I could have cared less! I had freedom! We went to the beach and met the ton of kids next door and we all hung out for the rest of the trip. Among the ton there happened to be 2 boys that were the same age as my cousin and I. Of couse she got first pick, but I didn't really care because I was free and hanging out with boys!

We did the typical stuff kids do with new found freedom when they are going from 7th into 8th grade, we smoked cigarettes, snuck beer and kissed boys! My mom is going to be so shocked when she reads this! I'll probally be grounded and sent to my room, which is ok because my husband is pretty cute! Ok, back to the story. One night we were all sitting around a campfire (oh, I forgot to mention we played with matches, too!), when the girl my cousin Johnny or Teddy liked started telling us these horrible stories about the devil. "He's everywhere man, he's even here!" I was starting to get freaked out when some bizarre drifter type guy sat down with his guitar and played us some songs and told us more horror stories about the devil, man. Still buzzed from that sip of beer and totally afraid to hear more stories about the devil, I didn't hesitate for a moment when Marty, the boy that I was kind of hanging out with asked to go for a walk. We walked about 5 steps and sat down behind some old row boats. I thought we were going to talk, but Marty had other things on his mind! Like kissing. My first kiss, how romantic, I looked up at the sky and saw fireworks! Not from the kiss, it was 4th of July! How sweet, nothing could ruin this moment, a moment that I would treasure forever and ever...........a few minutes went by and Marty said to me do you know what a french kiss is? I was like, what the...I'm not French how would I know what that is? Before I could say anything, Marty shoved his disgusting tounge down my throat and proudly proclaimed that's what French kissing is! I was absolutly horrified, my first kiss ruined by my second kiss. In less than seconds my awesome night was ruined. That was the final straw! I drank a sip of beer, smoked a quarter of a cigerette, listened to stories about the devil and now this. All I could do was get up and run back to the safty of my parents. I thought they'ed be glad to see me. All they said is why don't you go back outside and hang out with those ton of nice kids next store?

The story doesn't end yet, as most of you wish it would. There is an even better more disgusting end to the Marty/Lynn romance. The next day while we were hanging out with the ton of kids next door one of the ton informed us that Marty only brought 2 pairs of underware with him for a two week vacation! This small detail amused my brother Joey to no end. He knew that I smooched with Marty and was trying to find a way to inconspicusly work that into some type of torture to be used in front of my parents. So he came up with this little song - 2 pair of underward, 2pair of underware which he sang at every chance he could get. As if that wasn't bad enough, anytme he thought I was going to tell on him for something, he would hum the tune. Thanks to my brother Joey and his constant singing of the 2 pair of underware song, I will never forget the fact that the boy who gave me my 1st and 2nd kiss was likly wearing dirty underware!


Thinking back to that faithful day when I had my first kiss, reminds me of how I found out about the birds and the bees! Or as I like to refer to it as the birds, the bees and the crickets! One day during the fifth grade all the girls were whisked away to an empty class room. With in moments of being seated, the lights went off and a film strip began. Jiminy Cricket jumped across the screen and started singing one of his happy Disney tunes. I was thrilled, a Disney film strip with no stupid boys present. What a treat this is! As I began to relax, Jiminy was joined on the screen by what I can only describe as a egg dressed as a hooker. The egg looked like a regular egg before cooking, but it had legs and arms, was wearing high heel shoes, and carrying a purse. The egg walked around the screen like she was going somewhere, but couldn't figure out where. At this point my mind gets blurry over the details of the filmstrip. All I knew was that once a month the egg was going to drop down somewhere in my stomach and I would bleed. They were calling this horror story "menstruation" or getting your period. Let me get this straight, I thought, I have an army of hooker eggs living in my stomach and once a month one of them is going to walk down to my private area and be released, causing me to bleed? Why, oh why? This has to be some sort of joke. When the filmstrip ended the room was silent, all of us contemplating the fact that soon we were going to become women and the worse part is we had no choice. The teacher gave us a few minutes before heading into the question and answer portion of the class. When she asked, does anyone have any questions, no one raised their hand. OF COURSE WE HAD QUESTIONS-but who in their right mind was going to ask these questions. Not me thats for sure! We walked back to our classroom like zombies. As we entered the room a few of the boys looked at us and laughed! Oh my God, I thought, the boys know about this. Well all I could hope is that something at least this bad would happen to them!

Tales of the Legendary Kiddieland Sign

As a child, many a family car trip included driving past the corner of North and First Ave in Melrose Park, Il. It was one of those intersections where you always with out a doubt, caught the red light. The stoplight must have a sensor that detected cars with children, because located at that corner was Kiddieland! We would get so excited just looking at that place! I'd yell out, "I wanna ride the ferris wheel ", my brothers wanted to go on the Bumper cars. We sat in the car (no safty belts restricting us in the late 60's, early 70's), drooling over the rides and begged our parents to take us there. At that very moment the light would turn green and off we'd go. My dad putting his foot to the gas so quickly we very nearly hit the car in front of us dozens of times.


As I got older, and older and older I have had to pass Kiddieland many times on my daily travels. My focus shifted from dreams of riding the ferris wheel to the giant monstocity of a sign in front of the amusement park. It's huge! It's colorful! It lights up at night! Some may find it adorable, but I just find it downright creepy. The sign consists of 2 children twirling merrily around a large red and white striped pole. The boy is dressed innocently enough, or so you think! His outfit consists of a blue tee shirt with a yellow star, brown shorts and a colorful beany atop a pile of messy blond hair. If you are like most people you drive by the sign and think, "Oh what a nice, innocent little boy he must be". The girl, well shes just the picture of sweetness in a pink polka dot dress and a neat little blond ponytail atop her head. Innocent enough, right? I think not! If you really look at the sign you will notice some very bad things about it. First, that innocent young boy has a holster and gun (something that was pointed out to me by my husband on our first date)! Second, the girl's dress is so short you can see her bloomers. Third, these kids have been out in the sun for at least 40 years and they are ghostly white. No tan whatsoever!
What are they wearing SPF 1 Million? Did they even have SPF back in the olden days?


Surely, you must think I'm nuts for devoting so much time and energy to this creepy, horrific tribute to childhood. Well this is only the tip of the iceburg, Mr. and Mrs. Titanic! My fascination and theories about that horrible sign and scary kids twirling on that pole go much further than what you have just read! Maybe someday, you'll see it my way, but until that day, consider this a warning................Don't mess with the Kiddieland Kids!



Stay tuned for my next installment of "Tales of the Legendary Kiddie Land Sign"!

DownTown Chicago

Went downtown today with my wonderful husband Steve. I took him on a Wendella boat ride. It was so nice. I loved hearing about all of the buildings and just being out on the lake. After we went to the famous Billy Goat Tavern. I made such a dork out of myself, wasn't sure what I wanted to order. My husband saved me from further dorkiness by telling them I wanted a cheeseburger. It's not like I haven't seen the old Saturday Night Live skit a million times. It was so cool to go there since it is so famous and I've lived in the city my whole life and I have never been there. Then we walked past a new museum called the Freedom museum and it was free to get in. It was very small, but very interesting. It is geared towards school children, but what the heck it was free!